Have you ever made a mistake you couldn’t stop thinking about? Maybe you misunderstood a friend’s comment and reacted poorly, or maybe you made a deliberate decision that hurt people in your life. Whenever moments like these resurface in your mind, it’s likely you feel a weight settling on you, perhaps a tightness in your chest. It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk in such moments: Why did I do that? I’m so stupid. I don’t deserve (insert your longing of choice here). But these cycles aren’t what the Lord wants for us—no matter what we’ve done.
Illustration by Jeff Gregory
We created this guide to help you approach God with your sin and truly let go of it. At its heart, the confession of sin, though sometimes uncomfortable, is a gift to us. It’s an opportunity to change directions and get back in a healthy flow of life with Him.
We hope that the following insights and practical exercises help you encounter God’s endless grace and mercy. And that in His loving presence, you find the unconditional acceptance and strength you need in order to continue growing in Christlike freedom.
Sin Happens
There’s a fundamental truth about being human that’s both disappointing and liberating: We all sin. Every on earth falls short of who God made him or her to be. Sin is what happens when we turn away from God’s best for our life and choose our own path, which never goes as well as we thought it would. When we journey away from our heavenly Father, we make choices we’re not proud of—choices that damage our life, often in unforeseen ways.
We all know what it’s like to feel haunted by our mistakes. And yet, that doesn’t mean we have to allow past lapses of judgment to rule our future. Contrary to how we feel, our sins—and even our current struggles—don’t define who we are or who it’s possible for us to become.
To put it plainly, there’s no point in beating ourselves up over our wrongdoing. God doesn’t want that for us—His Son promised that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Rom. 8:1). And we gain nothing by continuing to punish ourselves for choices God readily forgives.
There’s no single way to confess your sins, as long as you do so in humility and total honesty before the Lord. But there are principles and practices that can make your attempts to connect with God more fruitful. In the next section, we’ll look at one such pattern.
Check for Guilt
There are a few signs that we are giving sin—whether a past or current struggle—more power than it deserves or are handling it in an unhealthy way. You might be dealing with guilt if you…
Slowly withdraw from Christian fellowship because you feel embarrassed.
Berate yourself.
Avoid prayer.
Try harder to do the right things, as if to make up for your wrongdoing.
Look to others for affirmation or approval.
Believe God’s promises are real, but mostly for other people.
If any of these resonate with you, there’s no reason to feel ashamed. They’re merely indicators that you need to spend some time in confession before God, talking with Him about these behaviors and what’s at their root. They’re also an indication that it’s time to let go of your guilt.
1. Reset
It’s easy to imagine God might react to wrongdoing the way we would—upset, angry, eager to punish, maybe even vindictive. But that’s not who He is. We need a proper picture of our Father before we can fully appreciate how He reacts to our sin. As John Mark Comer writes, “The mind is the portal to the soul, and what you fill your mind with will shape the trajectory of your character.”
Before you confess, pick a passage from the Bible that highlights God’s mercy and love, and meditate on it. Lamentations 3:22-23 is a great place to start:
The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
Read the verses as many times as you need, out loud or to yourself, lingering on words that stand out to you. Let the image of a gracious and compassionate Father sink in. You can also read Psalm 103:8-14, Psalm 145:8-9, Luke 15:11-24, or Romans 8:38-39.
When we remember who God is, it’s easier to talk to Him about what’s happening in our life. He’s never burdened by what we bring to Him—He wants to hear from us (James 4:8).
2. Confess
Now, with a clear image of the Father in mind and with your heart open, talk to Him. Freely and openly. Without fear or shame.
Here are a few suggestions to guide your conversation with Him:
Don’t filter yourself. You might think God wants to hear only certain things from you, but He would rather hear from you as you are. Nothing is a surprise to Him. You can talk about how you’re actually feeling and doing. For example, you might think you’re supposed to say, “Lord, I don’t want to gossip anymore.” But a more honest assessment might sound like, “Lord, I know I’ve been gossiping. I wish I didn’t enjoy it. It helps me feel connected to certain friends, but I also know it distances me from others. I want to want to stop, but I’m not there yet. Please help me.” Our transparency makes room for His assistance. Talking to God about your sin doesn’t have to wait until your heart is completely repentant. You can invite Him into the mess of the process.
Use prompts. Sometimes the hardest part of discussing our sin is getting started. Use these prompts to break the ice and get the conversation flowing.
God, lately I’ve been feeling…
God, I know you’ve seen me struggle with …
God, I don’t know why _____ feels so hard.
Leave judgment out of it. When you talk to God about your wrongdoing, try to avoid using judgmental words. State your sin matter-of-factly, as if you were observing a result in a science experiment.
Instead of saying, “I can’t believe I hurt his feelings again. I’m so selfish,” try “I hurt his feelings again.”
Instead of saying, “I am a terrible person for abandoning my friend,” try “I abandoned my friend when she needed me.”
Consider using this confession. If it still feels as if the words are stuck in your throat, try starting with the following example. You may pray it word for word or let it inspire your own prayer:
Thank You, Lord, for Your love and mercy, which never end. Thank You for receiving me as I am today. I know You know about my sin, but I want to tell You about it and invite You into my struggle. God, forgive me for _____. I’m sorry for not living in a way that honors You. I want to. Through Your Holy Spirit, help me to honor You in this area of my life and to remember You are with me. Thank You for forgiving me. May I let go of this wrongdoing, knowing You have wiped it away. In Jesus’ name, amen.
3. Switch It Up, When Necessary
Sometimes we need a little more help in making our confession real. Here are two additional ideas to make sharing with God more personal and effective:
See Your Confession. This spiritual practice is by definition a private conversation with God, which is why it’s easy to doubt, forget, minimize, or avoid altogether. When the Israelities were prone to forget something, they would sometimes leave a physical marker. Under Joshua’s leadership, the Israelites moved 12 stones to the middle of the Jordan River, where the Lord had allowed them to pass, so that the stones would “become a memorial to the sons of Israel forever” (Josh. 4:7). Later after they defeated the Philistines, “Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us’” (1 Sam. 7:12). There was nothing special about these stones; they were just symbols—but ones that reminded them of God’s goodness and faithfulness.
Doing something physical helps us to remember—to metaphorically plant a stake in the ground—and we can do the same with confession. After you talk to God, write your sin on a piece of paper (nothing elaborate, just one sentence or a rough list). Then consider doing one or more of the following:
Cross out the sin with a red pen, remembering that Jesus’ blood covers all transgression.
Write the word “redeemed” or “rescued” over your sin.
Turn the paper over and write out Hebrews 8:12: “For I will be merciful to their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”
Crumble up the paper and toss it in the garbage or fire.
Hear Your Confession. If the weight of the sin feels too heavy to carry alone, consider sharing it with a counselor or trusted friend. When we confess our wrongdoing out loud to each other, we experience healing (James 5:16). Think about it: Keeping sin private gives it power over us, while talking about it loosens its grip over our inner life. Psychology Today reports that this kind of verbalization “reduces activation in the amygdala, our brain’s alarm system that triggers the fight-or-flight reaction. When we give words to our emotions, we move away from limbic reactivity by activating those parts of the brain that deal with language and meaning in the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex.” In other words, “We become less reactive and more mindfully aware.”
If you decide to reach out to a friend, know that you have options. You can be as formal or informal as you’d like. You might text, “Hey, could we grab a cup of coffee sometime soon? I’d like to process something I’ve been struggling with.” Or perhaps you wait for a more organic moment, like when a friend asks how you’re doing over lunch. As long as you’re with someone you trust, there are many good ways to open up about your sin.
4. Set Your Expectations
The hope, after confession, is to move on and let go of guilt once and for all, but a clean break isn’t always possible. It’s normal for the memory of a particular sin to surface, and it’s also normal to experience a brief moment of guilt associated with that memory. When this happens, let the memory come, acknowledge it, and then let it go, as if watching a bird fly out of view. There’s no need to linger on the wrongdoing. In fact, it’s in times like these that you can rely on your “stone”—the physical symbol of your confession and God’s mercy. Let it remind you that you’ve been forgiven.
You don’t have to be perfect when it comes to confessing your sin to your Father; you just have to start. And any start is a good one. The apostle John encourages us:
“If we admit our sins—simply come clean about them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing.” (1 John 1:9-10 MSG)
And we confess not because it satisfies some need God has—but because it draws us closer to Him. Every time we talk to the Lord about our struggles, we allow Him to see us as we really are, and we accept His love in return. Every confession deepens our relationship with God.
Run, Don’t Walk
The next time you feel guilty or ashamed about something you’ve done, don’t wait until you have just the right words to say or until your heart is ready. Simply turn to God. He wants to hear from you at every step along the way, even before you’re completely sorry. God doesn’t need a polished performance—He wants to love you. The real you.
